Friday, March 25, 2011

work dictionary

What you say to your boss and what it really means:

You say: Perhaps I can work late.
It means: When the fuck do you expect me to do this?

You say: I’m certain that is not feasible.
It means: No fucking way!

You Say: Really?
It means: You’ve got to be shitting me.

You say: Perhaps you should check with...
It means: Tell someone who gives a shit.

You say: Of course I’m concerned.
It means: Ask me if I give a shit.

You say: I wasn’t involved in the project.
it means: It’s not my fucking problem.

You say: I’m not sure I can implement this.
It means: Fuck it, it won’t work.

You say: I’ll try to schedule that.
It means: Why the hell didn’t you tell me sooner?

You say: Are you sure this is a problem?
It means: Who the fuck cares?

You say: He’s not familiar with the problem.
It means: He’s got his head up his ass.

You say: So you weren’t happy with it?
It means: Kiss my ass.

You say: I don’t think you understand.
It means: Shove it up your ass.

You say: I love a challenge.
It means: This job sucks.

You say: You want me to take care of that?
It means: Who the hell died and made you boss?

You say: Yes, we really should discuss it.
It means: Another fucking meeting?

You say: I don’t think this will be a problem.
It means: I really don’t give a shit.

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